


Love Hurts

by prophetsdream



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Death, Love Confessions, M/M, Mello Centric, Sad, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-02-01 02:44:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21341956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prophetsdream/pseuds/prophetsdream
Summary: Mello reminisces about how he never got around to telling Matt how he felt, even though he wanted to.
Relationships: Matt | Mail Jeevas/Mello | Mihael Keehl
Kudos: 30





	Love Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> hi, i used to LOVE writing for this ship. they were my babies. honestly, they still are. i'm rewriting my old stories on ffnet and bringing them here, so i apologize in advance if any of my stories feel like they've been written already or if they're now a 'copy' of something already on here. i hope you can forgive me.
> 
> also, why do i write these things??

_"Mels, smoking isn't going to kill me." Matt said, taking a drag from his cigarette. Mello should have listened to him._

  
Mello never got around to telling Matt the things he wanted to. He promised himself that he would before leaving Wammy's, but he didn't. Mello left without saying a word; not even a simple goodbye. There was no "kiss my ass" and there definitely wasn't an "I love you".

Nothing, nada, zilch.

Mello did, however, find the time to write a letter explaining his sudden disappearance. He hoped that was enough.

Mello's constant train of thought consisted of him thanking Kira for various things. Mello thanked Kira for forcing them apart, for the years Mello didn't get to spend with Matt the way he wanted to. He thanked him for the memories they never had the chance to make and for the tears that Kira would inevitably cause. But, most importantly, Mello thanked Kira for the pain brought to Matt.

Mello would often times find himself thinking about the memories he did have with his little gamer. He remembered the first time they met— Mello had been raiding the pantry for chocolate when Roger called him to the office. He was almost certain that he'd been caught, and if he wasn't called upon for that reason, well, then he wouldn't say anything. However, the flour painting his black shirt would tell a different story.

That's not why he was called upon.

Matt was sitting in the corner of the room, keeping to himself like he usually did. In his hands rested the game boy that Mello came to consider an extra body part. Mello vowed to get the redhead a new handheld that day, even though he'd only just laid eyes on him.

"Mello," Roger spoke, "this is Matt. He'll be rooming with you." Mello's jaw dropped, his eyes fluttering back and forth between Roger and the newest addition to the house. Mello got ready to protest, but Matt beat him to the punch with a simple introduction.

"Hi, I'm Matt," he said, looking up from his game and staring at Mello with the brightest green eyes he'd ever seen. He smiled and Mello felt conflicted. On the outside, he fumed. Inside, he was melting because Matt was absolutely brilliant.

The blond didn't have many memories from his childhood— from his life before coming to live at Wammy's. All, if not most, of them were after his relocation. All of them included Matt. There wasn't a single memory in Mello's head that didn't have Matt as a main character. It was almost like his life started over when Matt walked into it.

They spent all their time together, not because they'd been roommates, but because they genuinely enjoyed each other's company. It didn't take long before they were best friends. For Mello, this was an achievement. Someone wanted to be around him— someone liked him for who he was. Someone finally saw through the facade that he built up.

Mello was ecstatic when Matt said he trusted the blond with his life. More so, when Matt told him that he loved him.

They were barely old enough to understand what love meant, but they knew it in context. Matt knew what it meant long before Mello did. It would only take Mello a few short hours to grasp the idea and he didn't hate it. What he did hate, though... was that he didn't tell him how he felt in return when he had the chance. Or, when he had the chances.

It all started one night when they were play wrestling. Somewhere along the lines it turned into something more serious. Mello had managed to pin Matt down on the floor, his hands holding his wrists above his head. Their legs were tangled and their bodies touched in all the right places. They didn't move, though. They were too scared. All it took was for Mello to look at Matt once to see the fear in his eyes. Matt had to have known that Mello was afraid, too.

Afraid of what they had gotten themselves into, afraid of things they didn't quite understand, afraid of what wandering eyes would think— afraid of everything that could possibly scare them in the instance.

Matt didn't hesitate, though, when he leaned up to kiss the blond. It didn't last long and it was sloppy, but regardless, Matt kissed him and Mello loved it. Mello remembered pulling back from the redhead, his face heating up. Matt wore a gentle smile, watching Mello as he reached down to run a hand through Matt's hair. It was then that Matt turned away from him. Whatever he was looking at, Mello couldn't tell you because he had no idea, but he could tell you that the look on Matt's face was enough to break his heart.

Mello couldn't decide if Matt was embarrassed by what he'd done or if he was feeling relieved for getting that off his chest, but shit, did Mello have another thing coming for him after he opened his mouth. "Matt," he whispered, "what's wrong?"

Matt gulped, his eyes closing as he stirred underneath the blond. Mello took that as a sign to remove himself from Matt's person and, as he went to do just that, he felt Matt protest and his arms wrapped tightly around Mello's waist. Matt was trying to pull him closer. Mello was frozen.

"Mello, I have to tell you something." Matt's voice was shaky and his body was trembling. Mello nodded against his chest. He took a deep breath, exhaled and grasped Mello's chin between his pointer finger and thumb, forcing Mello to look at him. Their eyes locked as Matt opened his mouth. "Mello, I... I," he stammered, "love you." Matt didn't wait for his response and instead captured Mello's lips for a second time that night. Mello melted against them— against Matt —and handed over every trace of dominance in his body for the first time since they'd met.

Mello was then, and would forever be, **his**.

Matt knew that Mello wouldn't say it back, but still, that didn't stop him from placing soft kisses on his head and rubbing his back. It didn't stop Matt from holding him like he was the most precious thing in the world. In all honestly, Mello was glad he didn't stop because he wanted these things with the redhead and he was sure Matt knew this.

Mello wouldn't verbally tell Matt how he felt that night, but through his actions, Matt received the answer he wanted. Mello loved him, too.

He _did_.

He _does_.

Months before L's death and Kira's pursuit on Near and Mello, Matt took up the awful habit of smoking. He claimed that it helped calm his nerves during cram week. Mello hated it, but it made him happy. The least Mello could do was control how much he smoked.

"Matt, smoking is going to be the death of you." Mello told him on several occasions. 

"Mels, smoking isn't going to kill me," Matt said, taking a drag from his cigarette. Mello should have listened to him. "Besides, Mels. You're going to die of diabetes," Matt told him nonchalantly. Mello cut his eyes at him while biting of the corner of his chocolate bar. Matt shook his head, sighed and went back to playing his game. Which, by the way, was being played on the new handheld Mello vowed to buy him.

Living in his memories was always a nice thing, but...

Now, as Mello watched the scene unfurl before him, listening to the annoying voice of the woman in the back of the truck, he remembered what he'd meant to say all those years ago.

The first round of bullets were fired and, as Mello watched Matt's body tumble backwards towards his car, he took notice of how Matt still looked like the boy he fell in love with. The second round of bullets appeared from behind the front line. Matt's body smacked into the side of his car, sliding limply down and stopping in a lethargic seated position. Mello found himself having a hard time driving as the tears were spilling over his eyes, blurring his vision and making it difficult to see.

The cameras were focused on Matt dying. Mello was focused on Matt.

Behind the cigarette dangling from his lips, Matt found the energy to mouth "I love you". Mello choked back a sob, watching the ashes tumble down the front of his vest, and then the cigarette itself.

"I love you, too," Mello cried out, somehow hoping that it would reach him, wherever he was.

-XO-

It wasn't long after that when Mello realized his name had been written into the book. He tightened his fist on the wheel and prayed for the best. His body became cold, his thoughts drifted and everything went black. There was no more; it was over.

Mello had been wrong when he told Matt that smoking would be death of him. It had been him. Mello was certain that Matt knew he'd get him killed.


End file.
